I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
