You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
