I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Randomize
