He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
