I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
