You smell like a Billy Joel song
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
