I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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