he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
