He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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