Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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