Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
