Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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