Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
