hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
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