PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
