I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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