I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
