I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
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Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
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See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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