she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize