It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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