hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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