"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
