That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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