I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
