If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
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I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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