My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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