I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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