Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
