I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
