New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
How does it feel to date your dad?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
COCAINE IS GR8
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
