already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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