hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
