what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
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i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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