duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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