whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Randomize
