So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
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I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
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I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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