He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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