So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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