On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
As shirtless as possible
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
