You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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