Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
