The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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