I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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