first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
