why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
