I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
