i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
