I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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