So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
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I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
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he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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