i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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