i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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