I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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