And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
