Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
