Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
