I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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