wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
