I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
