if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
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I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
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Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
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