I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
