my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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