We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
