Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
