I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
