Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
So squirting runs in the family.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
