Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
