Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
