I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
