five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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