I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
