puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
