Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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